Lead

Not lead into gold, but paper into lead, that is the true alchemic mystery;

The Word of God is the real Stone of Philosophy;

When you hold that volume of paper and leather, and in your hands it feels like a tome of lead, what can be said?

Its weighed down by the sin that your guilty conscious brings, weighed down by your rejection of God’s choice to forgive, weighed down by your belief that your negligence has made you unworthy, and weighed down by your fear of the renewal of purity that comes with opening those pages holy…

And so rises the gorge as I look at the Book of the Lord, because I know I’m wrong for neglecting Him so long;

I’m still angry, confused, and questioning, but, now that Im in need, His face I want to seek, and that, to me, is a dishonorable deed;

But I cannot continue to let life do its best;

I must do as I feel and beat upon my breast…

Yet how can I stomach these words of loving lead?